Teen Dating Violence

1 in 3 adolescents in the United States is a victim of emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse from a dating partner. And yet, only about 33% of victims will ever reach out for help.

What is Teen Dating Violence (TDV)?

Dating violence is a pattern of physical, emotional, sexual or mental abuse that occurs in a romantic relationship among teens. The behaviors collectively make the victim question their self worth, sanity and further entrench them into the unhealthy relationship.Teen dating violence control and power wheel

This type of abuse involves the use of physical force to control or harm a partner. Examples include:

  • Hitting, slapping, punching, or kicking
  • Biting or choking
  • Pushing, shoving, or grabbing
  • Destroying personal belongings or threatening harm

Emotional or psychological abuse is when one partner uses tactics to manipulate, control, or intimidate the other. This can be subtle or overt, but it is just as harmful. Examples include:

  • Constant criticism or belittling
  • Insulting, shaming, or humiliating the partner
  • Isolating the partner from friends, family, or support systems
  • Gaslighting (making the partner doubt their own perception of reality)
  • Constantly making the partner feel guilty or insecure
  • Threatening self-harm or harm to the partner if they try to leave

Sexual abuse involves any type of unwanted sexual contact or behavior, and it is a serious violation of consent. Examples include:

  • Forcing or pressuring the partner into sex or sexual activities
  • Touching or fondling without consent
  • Forcing or pressuring the partner to send explicit photos or videos
  • Making inappropriate comments or jokes about sex
  • Pressuring the partner to engage in sexual acts they are uncomfortable with

As technology becomes more integrated into relationships, teens are increasingly facing abuse online. Digital or cyber abuse can involve:

  • Constant texting, calling, or online messaging to monitor or control the partner
  • Spreading rumors, gossip, or humiliating photos or videos online
  • Demanding passwords to social media accounts or phones
  • Sending threatening or harassing messages
  • Posting intimate pictures or videos without consent (also known as “sextortion”)

Verbal abuse includes any spoken words that are used to demean, insult, or control a partner. Examples include:

  • Name-calling, mocking, or shouting
  • Threatening to end the relationship as a form of punishment
  • Using words to manipulate or coerce the partner into doing something
  • Making the partner feel unworthy or unloved

6. Financial Abuse

Although more common in adult relationships, financial abuse can also occur in teen dating relationships, and it involves controlling or limiting the partner’s financial resources. This can include:

  • Limiting access to money
  • Forcing the partner to give up money or property
  • Making the partner financially dependent by controlling their spending

Signs of Teen Dating Violence

Teens who experience dating violence may exhibit the following signs:

  • Sudden withdrawal from family or friends
  • Unexplained injuries, such as bruises or cuts
  • Frequent absences from school or social events
  • Low self-esteem or signs of anxiety or depression
  • Rapid changes in physical appearance
  • Eating disorders
  • New disciplinary issues (acting out or bullying others)
  • Sudden drop in grades
  • Lack of interest in extracurricular activities
  • Fear or anxiety around a partner
  • Becoming overly dependent or submissive to a partner

Helping a Friend or Loved One

LISTEN

Create a safe, non-judgmental space where the teen feels comfortable sharing their experiences. Let them speak openly without interrupting or blaming them for the situation. Validate their feelings and let them know they are not alone.

PLAN

Help them understand the importance of setting boundaries with their partner and developing a safety plan. This might include knowing who to call when they need help, knowing where to go in an emergency & how to safely exit the relationship if they choose to.

PROVIDE

Gently offer resources like domestic violence hotlines, school counselors, school programs like Safe to Say (anonymous reporting system that’s been required in every PA school since Jan 2019), or local support services. Help them understand that there are options for safety and support, whether through legal avenues, therapy, or support groups.

SUPPORT

Respect their decisions and let them know they have control over the next steps. Offer continued support, no matter what they decide, and reassure them that they are worthy of a healthy, respectful relationship.

Empowering Healthy Futures

Teen dating violence is a serious issue, but remember that you are not defined by the violence you experience. Whether you are directly affected or know someone who is, every teen deserves to be safe, respected, and empowered to make their own choices. Recognizing the signs and seeking support are courageous steps toward reclaiming control over your life and relationships.

At VIP, we are committed to providing resources and a safe space where you can find guidance, understanding, and help. If you or someone you know is struggling with dating violence, reach out to a trusted adult, counselor, or our support services. You deserve a future filled with healthy relationships and self-respect. Together, we can build a community where every teen feels valued and safe.

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